Saturn Return

If you're somewhere between 27 and 30 (give or take) then you're probably going through a difficult period. Or a life changing period. Or a "smash your head through the looking glass" period. Or maybe all of the former simultaneously. If you find yourself wondering why these things are happening to you, you may benefit from taking a gander at what it means when Saturn Returns.
For most folks, this is not a fun time. There are some major upheavals and overhauls going on in your life. You find yourself questioning who you are, why you are, where you're going and where you've been. I don't intend to get into the gorey details of it here. You can research that at the above link and this one: Saturn.

I will say, a lot of people I've spoken to sound a little bitter about their Saturn Return. I am not one of those people. Not at the moment anyhow (fingers crossed). However, I most definitely would have told you otherwise during my 27th and 28th years. That was often a brutal, dark period.
Back then, my search for my self (which, at the time, I didn't even know was happening...turns out hind sight really is 20-20) ended up looking a lot like this on a daily basis:

And, still struggling against the turning tide of my life, I often felt like Saturn's lunch...

...and dinner.
Saturn will devour your sense of self and sanity at regular intervals...if you let him/it.

The trick is to not.
I got lucky. Two years in I figured things out (fingers crossed!!!). On accident. On belief.
The self search looks more like this nowadays:
I feel like I've made it through to the other side of my life. And I'm SO GRATEFUL.
I feel like I've grown up. And not in the boring way that I thought being "grown up" was.
It's a relief.
It's like I've been holding my breath for decades and no longer have to. It's like I moved from a murky, dreary and frantic place to a world where everything is bright and hopefilled and patient and calm (most days at least).
It's exciting!
I feel like I get myself for the first time. Can I tell you how NICE that is? Because it is. Super, super nice.
All of this thanks to being chewed up and spit out by Ye Ole Saturn Return.

If you're finding yourself going through THE RETURN (dun dun dun!), then I wish you the best of luck and hope that your course runs not too unlike mine. Because the end seems justified and sweet so far.
Here's to us babes of '77 - '80 (give or take) finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

My Bloody Valentine

When I was in my early twenties I went through a sad sad phase of loathing Valentine's Day. I wrote it off as yet another American money maker. A day to make the lonely that much lonelier. Back then, Valentine's Day was a cruel joke on both your heart and your wallet.
Thank goodness I grew out of that!
The change of heart was inevitable and forced upon me in the middle of a preschool classroom. He had rosy cheeks, pointy teeth and a blond birds nest of curls atop his tiny cherub head. My hardened heart melted when his chubby, cupcake fingers handed me my very own Valentine.
"Because I love you," he beamed.
And I changed my mind just like that. Thanks to one tiny act of giving from a four year old. He understood love so much better than I did. It was still a simple, sweet, beautiful thing to him. And he reminded me that love is just that. Sweet, simple, beautiful, and a really good excuse to GIVE to those that have your heart.
And so I took Valentine's Day into my own hands. I changed my perspective. I started making the ones I love Valentines.My hands have made everything from cupcakes and little paper crafts to elaborate flower arrangements in antique treasure chests filled with surprises. I love doing it. I love letting the people I love know I love them. That I'm thinking of them.
Valentine's Day is good motivation to do just that.
That's why I love it so much!
Next year I think I'm going to make my lovies hand-milled heart soaps and bath teas.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get the recipes right by then!Happy V-day All.
xoxo